Archive for the 'Verbiage' Category

“Half Time(ish)”

The Mancathletes will observe the sanctity of NZ’s Labour Weekend by taking a brief intermission from the constant rigours of high-performance athleticism that The Mancathlon demands. As bruised bodies & egos heal in jacuzzis high atop palatial coastline properties, the various competitors will reflect on the savage cut & thrust in this latest season of Sports Entertainment’s Mightiest Institution. With a mere Two Events & One Bonus Round remaining until the Grand Finale there are now precious few opportunities for these men to stamp their mark on the contest, and potentially, on the Champion’s Trophy. Which of these rugged souls will have the 10-Pound Cojones required to step it up a notch in these closing stages, to truly bring the thunder and establish themselves as The Big Chief in 2008. Watch this space dear readers…

Also stay tuned for your invitation to the finest social event of the season, the Grand Finale. If you are not present for this earth-shattering, epoch-defining event, you will forever be tasting the bitter ashes of regret and the slightly salty tang of chagrin. I recommend Fanta, it kills the taste-buds at their roots and it’s a fun colour!!


“Aquila Non Capit Muscas”

Aquila Non Capit Muscas. Four words that have come to define all that is right & true about The Mancathlon. Determination, confidence, the spirit of competition, camaraderie & good humour. And of course, man-sized servings of hyperbole, embellishment, trash talking & shootin’ the dozens. This motto is forever emblazoned on the Mancathlon Trophy and burns brightly in the heart of every Mancathlete past & present, it is their mantra, their battle cry; their shibboleth, their brand, the big shiny superbowl ring that identifies them as one who was there and who fought alongside their friends for glory in The Majestic Contest. 

“Aquila Non Capit Muscas” – The Eagle Does Not Hunt Flies.

Daaaaamn skippy.

“The Big Chief”

Every man is a potential Mancathlete. Can you throw stuff? Can you run in a straight line? Can you drink a couple beers and trash-talk? Can you get up on a stage and belt out a soft rock classic? Sure, hey, we all can. But only a select few men have within them the potentiality to become something more than the average Mancathlete. Only a select few have that bright fire burning within their chest, that hunger for more, that drive and lust to be the greatest. And when a man claws his way to the top of the heap, against a field of worthy opponents and through a series of manful challenges that encompass speed, strength, wit and creativity then that man earns the right to call himself…The Big Chief.

El Jefe is Challenging You

El Jefe is Challenging You

The A.G.M. & Opening Ceremony

The Mancathlon 2008 A.G.M. & Opening Ceremony was held on a Saturday afternoon beneath the stately pacific arches of The Mancathlon Fale and was attended by the following Old-School sonsabitches:

Leighton Agnew, Rodney MacFarlane, Brydon Price, AJ Sutton, Stuart Brooke, Duncan Reynolds, Conrad Blight & Simon Judkins.

For just a couple of hours on a wintry Auckland afternoon the dark clouds loosened their onanistic grip on the skies and allowed a few shafts of watery sunlight to illuminate the sacred grounds of The Mancathlon Meeting House. A group of Veteran Mancathletes had gathered therein to debate in spirited but fraternal terms the future of this Mighty Contest. Would the 2008 Season see the debut of such choice manly events as Ninja Stars vs Nunchukas, Midget Tossing, Getting Chased by a Police Dog, Launching Flaming Arrows into Tanks of Diesel or The John Matrix Memorial Log Carrying Classic? Or would 2008 finally see the introduction of the much maligned Graham-mooted Poetry Event, or the soft and sensitive Life Drawing, indeed, perhaps Scone Baking and Embroidery would fit more closely the agenda of these aging Warriors? But no they said, No and no again! Once more The Mancathlon would be designed to test “The Full Spectrum of Manliness”, encompassing all the Speed, Strength, Intelligence, Creativity and Guts under Pressure that define a True Big Chief. And so over several delicious, muddy cups of Kava they hammered out a New Season that would be a test of a man, that would force Mancathletes old and new to look deep within themselves and behold either the soft, cuddly lambswool of failure or the Pure, Cold Steel of VICTORY!

And so, without further circumlocutory ado, let me introduce you the public to the awesome, pulsating majesty of the 2008 Mancathlon Season…

Event 1 – Ghetto Dice

Event 2 – Shootin’

Event 3 – Orientearassing

Event 4 – Masterbrain Phase II

Event 5 – Assault Course

Event 6 – Creation of Fire

Event 7 – Bicycle Joust

Event 8 – The Race

Event 9 – Pulling A Truck

Event 10 – Karaoke Grand Finale

Bonus Round –  Beer Brewing                       


Munro Pours The Goodness

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